Internalizing Disability: If I Tell You, Will You See Me?

Abstract

In this research, I take an autoethnographic approach to center my own Mad disabled voice. I reflect on personal challenges and understandings as I was introduced to medical sociology as an undergraduate and went on to pursue graduate studies in critical disability studies. Although my first attempt at a bachelor’s degree was cut short due to disability 20 years ago, I had never thought much about what it was to be disabled or how it would affect the completion of my degrees. However, my return to college was marked with the need to assure others my disabilities had been acceptably resolved to even have the opportunity to learn. And disability—my own, my family’s, others—has remained an impactful dynamic throughout my educational journey. Through an exploration of medical sociology, outdated models of disability, disability studies, and disability theories—I reflect on the personal, educational, research, and pedagogical implications these have had for myself, as a Mad disabled critical disabilities scholar. As I was introduced to each of these, I found my understandings of self, those I cared for, and interactions with medical professionals changing. When I found myself traversing new and increasing disabilities, my personal and academic journeys collided, as I advocated to establish myself as able with limits. I consider the educational and historical relevance of medical sociology and outdated models of disability for critical disability scholars, presenting a Mad disabled perspective on studying sociology and critical disability studies.